This song is how I feel right now :/

All This Love
(By The Similou)

City rooftop, summer night
In your tank-top, rainbow styling
Last night, girl, like a dream
Never felt so good, sleepy smiling

All this love saved up for nothing
I never felt so blue
And all this love, rainbow styling
All this love saved up for nothing
And this will do me no good
And all this love, rainbow styling

Everyday that summer, by your side
And it all just seemed everlasting
But then you told me you would move away
And you looked so cute there, you were crying

All this love saved up for nothing
I never felt so blue
And all this love, rainbow styling
All this love saved up for nothing
And this will do me no good
And all this love, rainbow styling

Moving sucks D:

Hey guys! Life's been super crazy lately so I haven't had time to post anything.

So I'm moving in 2 days, the mover are putting all my crap in a truck tomorrow. I gave my betta fish to my one russian friend and her sister, so now all I have to worry about fish wise is my aquarium. Appparently you're supposed to put them in water filled trash bags inside a cooler when moving them :/ Sounds hard. Hope they don't die. Anyways, so the new house is kinda cool, but it's been hell trying to figure out what to take and all, but even more so because my parents won't let me do jack shit. The house is pretty much all white, with little carpet, and what we do hae is grey. It also has ugly wood paneling all over one room and then a stupid wood chair thread ( a singualr wall panel running horizontally that is about the height of a chair off the ground) running around practically the whole house. BLAH. Ick. They don't want me to even try to fix it so it looks nice D: The only room they're letting me fix is my own so far, and if I do a "good job" they'll CONSIDER letting me paint the rest of the house. What dicks--I'm trying to make the house look good, and they won't even let me, let alone help me at all, and they won't even pay for the fucking paint! How stupid is that!?! GAH! Plus the last owner had the great idea to paint a big ugly blue stripe of paint above the fireplace. Yes, ONLY above the fireplace, in a white room, with wood panels. How gay is that! Omg!

At least the house has a cool deck and stairs and crap, because otherwise I'd go insane. Although, in a completely white house I just might anyways. :/

So OTHER than the whole house fiasco, this friday was my last day of school here. Imagine-no school till NEXT YEAR! How awesome! but it suck to move in the middle of the school year. >:(
Plus I won't ever see my friends again, which is retarded, AND I have to go college hunting to boot, because I already had my heart set on Buff State, but by the time I go to college, we might not even have our house here anymore. D:<

Moving in the middle of winter also SUCKS because it's cold and frigid and snowing and I won't get to see what the new area looks like with plants. Basically my first inpression of my new home is going to be a big, barren icy wasteland. Like Antartica D:

Plus myparents and I have been disagreeing over where to put the furniture and crap, and it's kinda retarded because the house is kind of an open floor plan, so the rooms just sort of meld into one another. So we're to have like a tv and speakers and shit in the middle of our dining room with a random-ass fireplace to boot. GREAT.

I ALSO still owe my client 2 water colors before I leave, which is what I should be doing right now instead of typing this, but I'm too damn lazy and have put it off for like a month :P

We've been too busy to put up christmas decorations or a tree yet, so it doesn't even feel like Christmas time, and that sucks majorly. I was so looking forward to Christmas, a stable, traditional holiday, i the middle of all this confusion and chaos, but now it looks like it's gonna be really crappy. By the time we put up stuff at the new house, it'll be like a week till Christmas, and then we'll have to take it down again so soon! But at least I convinced my parents to get a real tree this year, because we really can't take our crappy fake one with us, and the real tree will smell up the whole house. Yum...evergreen :)

So, that's all for now, and by the time I post a new entry I'll probably be over at the new place. See you guys later!

Update! (Emo rantings and some good advice!)

Right now I'm caught i the middle of two different lives... the old one here, and the new one awaiting me at my new home. It's kinda weird...really surreal, and kind of numb, like you know everything going on around you is pointless now, but you also are trying to savor it because you know it will be gone soon... I'm nervous about it, the move; will I be able to find someone for me there? I' building all these hopes up, that this can be a fresh start, that I can reinvent myself a little and lead a better life, but I'm really scared that when I get there nothing will have changed, and it will all be the same.

I'm so damn lonely, god, it really sucks. I miss having somebody who really loves me, who actually gives a flying shit about what I do and how I think... It's just so dismal without a boyfriend, which maybe some might think is me just afraid to be alone, which it sort of is... the thing is, really, that I have all this love built up inside waiting for somebody to be poured into, but I don't have anybody like that anymore, so the love is just sort of festering inside my soul like old perfume. It hurts to have love for someone who doesn't exist...

I need somebody to pull me up, because I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' hard.

Hope everybody out there has somebody like that. Don't lose them. You don't realize what you had until it's gone, and this is the most important thing in your life. Live without fear, love without regret, embrace like the world is ending.

An old poem i wrote...

No one

could have predicted this

That things would turn out

the way they did

Don't be fooled, it's not the truth

but it could be

screams the meager voice

it could be

and maybe

that's what scares me the most

Wow, lookit how many posts I have now!

This...is...LOLCATS!!!

Heehee...