Update! (Emo rantings and some good advice!)

Right now I'm caught i the middle of two different lives... the old one here, and the new one awaiting me at my new home. It's kinda weird...really surreal, and kind of numb, like you know everything going on around you is pointless now, but you also are trying to savor it because you know it will be gone soon... I'm nervous about it, the move; will I be able to find someone for me there? I' building all these hopes up, that this can be a fresh start, that I can reinvent myself a little and lead a better life, but I'm really scared that when I get there nothing will have changed, and it will all be the same.

I'm so damn lonely, god, it really sucks. I miss having somebody who really loves me, who actually gives a flying shit about what I do and how I think... It's just so dismal without a boyfriend, which maybe some might think is me just afraid to be alone, which it sort of is... the thing is, really, that I have all this love built up inside waiting for somebody to be poured into, but I don't have anybody like that anymore, so the love is just sort of festering inside my soul like old perfume. It hurts to have love for someone who doesn't exist...

I need somebody to pull me up, because I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' hard.

Hope everybody out there has somebody like that. Don't lose them. You don't realize what you had until it's gone, and this is the most important thing in your life. Live without fear, love without regret, embrace like the world is ending.

Guess what? (I'm alive!)

Hey guys. I'm on my old gaming computer as I type this, because my parents needed my laptop to scout out apartments while they go to Westpoint to work. Well, my dad is working, my mom's just looking for places to stay.

So yeah, I'm moving to Westpoint, New York, leaving my older brother behind here to take care of our house and finish up college. Kinda sucky because I'll like never ever see him, but then again I never really got to see him anyways with how busy he was. He says he wants to buy me a web cam so we can webchat, but I kind of wonder when he'll have the time. Oh well. There's always facebook I suppose. Oh, yeah- the picture up there is of Westpoint. It's rght near the Hudson river, which I guess is cool but then again it will be super cold in the winter. Plus I hate that harbor-ey smell. But maybe that's only with oceans...

Anyways, the move's kinda retarded because I'm like a fourth through my junior year here and I always thought I would graduate here. I've been in the same school district with the same people my whole life, and I always thought I would be there at my class's graduation and live out the perks of being a senior here, but no, the LAST year of my education (well, one and a half years) I get ripped away and have to start new at some other school.

On TOP of this, I made up with my (ex-ex)best friend only to lose her again AND my mom followed through with wrenching my lovely little baby Blackjack (my cat) away from me so I don't even have a pet to console me (besides fish and a REALLY grumpy parakeet, neither of which actually care nor have the brains enough to know you are sad). Plus, the school days here seem so pointless because I know I'm not going to finish any of my classes or see any of my friends again or get credit for my work here. So I'm pretty much drifting through the school halls these days, barely feeling emotion, or, if any, helplessness and despair.

UGH! Being sad for this long is so retarded! Crap!

So I'm supposed to be starting at this new high school called O'Neal or some hick-sounding name like that, which also happens to be in the middle of valley smushed between two mountains which means it: 1- floods a lot, because it's barely above water level, 2- has the shittiest cellphone reception ever because the cell towers are pretty much on the other side of the mountains, and 3- HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO LIVE SOMEWHERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

...Boooooooooo.

Well, I suppose my good friend the internet won't be going anywhere.

...I hope.

The one GOOD thing about moving there is Westpoint is only 50 miles away from New York city! So I can go watch the ball drop this year! :)