And you know what...?

My ex-friend and I, we share the same name.... and I want nothing to do with it. Everytime I look at my schoolwork, cards, anything, I always am reminded of her. In those five little letters, I don't see myself, I see the smirking face of a condescending bitch who deserves nothing of me.

And, thusly, I formally denounce my name.

I mind it not, in sooth, does not a rose smell just as sweet by any other name? Mayhap it may smell even sweeter.

So very much in so little time, Dr. Freeman

Okay, so I can't believe I actually did all this since a week and a half ago but I broke up with my boyfriend and told my best friend that I'm breaking off the relationship with my more charmless friend, and she was shocked because she thought it would always be the three of us, but she didn't know about ANYTHING the other friend had been doing to me, and understood why I was doing it after I told her about it. I also renovated my bedroom, which now has a lovely desk and I cleared out my closet which has become a proper witch's closet, broom, hat, cauldron and all. I'm also storing all my art supplies in there, lol. It's a BIG closet. Anyways, I just thought I should update this blog, even if nobody is reading it or anything, because, well, I guess it's more or less of a diary now. It's tons more easier to type crap out than to write it, anyways. Plus I can add pictures!

Oh, I also came up with a great new little side plot for one of my books, but I suppose I should be writing that in my OTHER blog.

I start school again tomorrow, and I guess I'm more or less grudgingly accepting it. I'm really looking foreword to my photography class, and my sculpture class, and also my creative writing class. Sheesh, I took so many electives though that I have no lunch period this year, but my English teacher last year assured us he'd let us eat in the creative writing class that I'm starting tomorrow, so I hope it's towards the middle of the day or else I'm gonna be really hungry. :/

Well, I guess I'll write a whole bunch tomorrow, in which, btw, I'm going to have to confront my -evil- friend, which should be interesting because we'll have tons of classes together. Could be crazy tomorrow. Oh well. Live for today, right?

Later, -Carling

Hey bitch

So there's this girl who used to be my friend, except after taking abuse for years and years and years I decided to break it off with her. She was being an egotistical bitch and always put me down, and I finally decided to say screw you! I deserve better friends than you!

I'd gotten pissed at her for the head-games she played with me at summer camp, and I'd given her one more chance but she blew it and only reminded me why I hate people like her. True friends don't try to dominate the relationship and turn you into their worshipper. And so, I just wanted to say...


After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end
I wanna thank you 'cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mhm

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this girl I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended to not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU WON'T STOP ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter


Thought I would forget, but I
I remember
Cause I remember
I remember

Thought I would forget, but I
I remember
Cause I remember
I remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

P.S. Bitch I hate you

-You know who

Got the going back to school blues?

I do too... I'm definitely not looking forward to it... but hey, at least I'm going to have my drivers permit by then...! Not that I could drive a car to school even if I wanted to, but I guess it's something.

I'm just not really excited about seeing the same people again and again every day (most of which barely acknoledge my existence). It just gets old. It also gets annoying, once people start spreading rumors about you that don't ever seem to go away... I've got some nasty ones about me too. Apparently some people think I'm stuck up and that's why I don't usually talk to people out of my immediate freind circle (which is so infintessimally small it's not even funny; it's rather sad actually). Also there's one about me being a lesbian. Not true! My boyfriend can attest to that. People just assume that I like girls because they never see me with any guys in school. Why you ask? They're all completely immature. That's why I ended up dating a guy four years older than me, and even then he's still a bit immature at times. Suffice to say, he already graduated high school so he's never around me during the day. *boo* That's why people think I'm a lesbian. Also because one of my former frie-I mean leeches, who shall go unnamed tagged along with me so much people thought we were...*shiver* dating. Bleck. So now I have all these retarded rumors floating around my head for no good reason. At least I have my art to carry me through, eh? Even though I'm one of the best artists at my high school nobody seems to know I even like art. Weird, huh? I know...I don't get it either. I do have to admit I get a sort of rush every time somebody looks over my desk and says "Oh my god, did you draw that...!?". It's not really enough to get me through general adversity unscathed, though. ...Pity.

I also have this guy who keeps stalking me at school. The worst part is, we were in classes together since pre-school and I can remember him doing some pretty horrible stuff, but he doesn't remember me at all, and fell hopelessly in love with me last year. As I said before, I already have a boyfriend #1, #2, I don't really like him...plus he's not excatly adonnis if you get my drift. *Takes sharp inhalation of air and sighs* WHY is it that only the crazy people stalk me? Why can't I get stalked by a hot guy for once!? (Yup, I've been stalked before, too. Creepy, eh?) Anyways, I hope he forgot about me over the summer. I'd hate to break his little heart, y'know?

So remember how in school there was always that one guy who you were madly in love with but he had no clue you even existed? Same here. Sort of. He says hi to me in the halls and everything, but he's a year older than me and not in any of my classes, so I almost never see him. *cry* And I know, I know, I already have a boyfriend, so I shouldn't even be thinking about other guys, but... but... curse him! Why must he be so hot!? He's an artist like me, too, and he even plays the sax and takes french. Holy crap, right? I've known him since 6th grade... and I've crushed on him since then too. He's always been my 'what if' guy, and I've tried really hard to get him to notice me a bit more, but nothing seems to work out. It's like fate hates me. *boo* I love my boyfriend to death, but there's just something about my 'what if' guy that he doesn't have... and I get this feeling around him like metal drawn to a magnet. I guess I started going out with my current boyfriend because he's just...always been there, y'know? And we share tragic pasts (family matters gone awry). But I have this feeling it can't go on much longer... he, meanwhile, is obsessed with me in a great way, and the nicest guy I've ever met, but I just can't see me marrying him, and if I can't see that then why am I with him? I think he was always just a really, really good friend. ...With kissing. I don't know how I can break a heart made of gold! It' just so hard. I've thought about breaking up with him for half a year already but I just can't seem to do it! And he's clueless about how I feel. When I'm with him it's like, "I love you!" And when I'm alone it's like, "...but do I really?". Anyways, the whole situation is horrible. It's like one man presents a stable, fun relationship, and the other offers a whole new exciting world with all these awesome possibilities, and I guess one could say my relationship with my boyfriend has gotton stale, but only on my half of the biscuit, hear me? *headdesk*

So school.

Yeah.

Not looking forward to it.