I'm alive! ALIIIIVE!!! :O

Yep, I seem to have survived the six month societal isolation thing sort-of-relatively-almost-okay-ish. My birthday's coming up on the 10th at midnight. (or the 11th, whichever way you spin it) Huzzah, I'll be 17. Not that I don't already feel like I'm 20.

So I have Young Life Camp on the 10th too, which is cool. Hope my friend won't screw me over again like she did last year... In most likelihood though she'll have been missing me too much to fuck me over. Which I guess is...good?

I think I'm about 6 chapters away from finishing my first book...then comes publication...but not before I illustrate the damn thing :P But anyways it's going great...I've been sort of showing my family members my stuff on it when they came up for the reunion. They were all impressed, not to be egotistical. Mild-enthusiasm-yay?

Now that the reunion's over I'm all alone in the house with my parents again :/ Hell...

Blaaarrrgggg...*sigh* anyways, I STILL can't stop thinking of Blackjack, and everybody keeps telling me he's a lost cause and it's better this way and so on and so forth. Pisses me off...

I found some amazing music for my books on Youtube...Go look up Loreena Mckennit on Youtube you guys, she's AWESOME. My favs are The Mummers Dance, The Old Ways, her cover of Emmanuel, and The Mystic's Dream. *squee* Also, another great band for my books is Blackmore's Night. My favs from them are Ghost of a Rose and Under a Violet Moon.

West point is okay-ish, but Highland Falls is GHEY. >:/ So is Fort Montgomery. New York City is sort of cool, but freakin expensive as HELL and the subways are so...ICK /:[

and...who wants to check me out on Gaiaonline?? :D You do?? I knew you did :) Just go to Gaiaonline.com and search for Autumn Gracy. :D

...yay Gaia

Also, go check out Romantically Apocalyptic, an awesome webcomic I found. (Go find it on Deviantart.com) You can also find me at Deviantart.com, under Autumn Gracy. Some of my book stuff is there...hopefully I'll be uploading sketches soon.

luff, Sarah/Autumn/Carling/whatever name I feel like

Got the going back to school blues?

I do too... I'm definitely not looking forward to it... but hey, at least I'm going to have my drivers permit by then...! Not that I could drive a car to school even if I wanted to, but I guess it's something.

I'm just not really excited about seeing the same people again and again every day (most of which barely acknoledge my existence). It just gets old. It also gets annoying, once people start spreading rumors about you that don't ever seem to go away... I've got some nasty ones about me too. Apparently some people think I'm stuck up and that's why I don't usually talk to people out of my immediate freind circle (which is so infintessimally small it's not even funny; it's rather sad actually). Also there's one about me being a lesbian. Not true! My boyfriend can attest to that. People just assume that I like girls because they never see me with any guys in school. Why you ask? They're all completely immature. That's why I ended up dating a guy four years older than me, and even then he's still a bit immature at times. Suffice to say, he already graduated high school so he's never around me during the day. *boo* That's why people think I'm a lesbian. Also because one of my former frie-I mean leeches, who shall go unnamed tagged along with me so much people thought we were...*shiver* dating. Bleck. So now I have all these retarded rumors floating around my head for no good reason. At least I have my art to carry me through, eh? Even though I'm one of the best artists at my high school nobody seems to know I even like art. Weird, huh? I know...I don't get it either. I do have to admit I get a sort of rush every time somebody looks over my desk and says "Oh my god, did you draw that...!?". It's not really enough to get me through general adversity unscathed, though. ...Pity.

I also have this guy who keeps stalking me at school. The worst part is, we were in classes together since pre-school and I can remember him doing some pretty horrible stuff, but he doesn't remember me at all, and fell hopelessly in love with me last year. As I said before, I already have a boyfriend #1, #2, I don't really like him...plus he's not excatly adonnis if you get my drift. *Takes sharp inhalation of air and sighs* WHY is it that only the crazy people stalk me? Why can't I get stalked by a hot guy for once!? (Yup, I've been stalked before, too. Creepy, eh?) Anyways, I hope he forgot about me over the summer. I'd hate to break his little heart, y'know?

So remember how in school there was always that one guy who you were madly in love with but he had no clue you even existed? Same here. Sort of. He says hi to me in the halls and everything, but he's a year older than me and not in any of my classes, so I almost never see him. *cry* And I know, I know, I already have a boyfriend, so I shouldn't even be thinking about other guys, but... but... curse him! Why must he be so hot!? He's an artist like me, too, and he even plays the sax and takes french. Holy crap, right? I've known him since 6th grade... and I've crushed on him since then too. He's always been my 'what if' guy, and I've tried really hard to get him to notice me a bit more, but nothing seems to work out. It's like fate hates me. *boo* I love my boyfriend to death, but there's just something about my 'what if' guy that he doesn't have... and I get this feeling around him like metal drawn to a magnet. I guess I started going out with my current boyfriend because he's just...always been there, y'know? And we share tragic pasts (family matters gone awry). But I have this feeling it can't go on much longer... he, meanwhile, is obsessed with me in a great way, and the nicest guy I've ever met, but I just can't see me marrying him, and if I can't see that then why am I with him? I think he was always just a really, really good friend. ...With kissing. I don't know how I can break a heart made of gold! It' just so hard. I've thought about breaking up with him for half a year already but I just can't seem to do it! And he's clueless about how I feel. When I'm with him it's like, "I love you!" And when I'm alone it's like, "...but do I really?". Anyways, the whole situation is horrible. It's like one man presents a stable, fun relationship, and the other offers a whole new exciting world with all these awesome possibilities, and I guess one could say my relationship with my boyfriend has gotton stale, but only on my half of the biscuit, hear me? *headdesk*

So school.

Yeah.

Not looking forward to it.