Moving sucks D:

Hey guys! Life's been super crazy lately so I haven't had time to post anything.

So I'm moving in 2 days, the mover are putting all my crap in a truck tomorrow. I gave my betta fish to my one russian friend and her sister, so now all I have to worry about fish wise is my aquarium. Appparently you're supposed to put them in water filled trash bags inside a cooler when moving them :/ Sounds hard. Hope they don't die. Anyways, so the new house is kinda cool, but it's been hell trying to figure out what to take and all, but even more so because my parents won't let me do jack shit. The house is pretty much all white, with little carpet, and what we do hae is grey. It also has ugly wood paneling all over one room and then a stupid wood chair thread ( a singualr wall panel running horizontally that is about the height of a chair off the ground) running around practically the whole house. BLAH. Ick. They don't want me to even try to fix it so it looks nice D: The only room they're letting me fix is my own so far, and if I do a "good job" they'll CONSIDER letting me paint the rest of the house. What dicks--I'm trying to make the house look good, and they won't even let me, let alone help me at all, and they won't even pay for the fucking paint! How stupid is that!?! GAH! Plus the last owner had the great idea to paint a big ugly blue stripe of paint above the fireplace. Yes, ONLY above the fireplace, in a white room, with wood panels. How gay is that! Omg!

At least the house has a cool deck and stairs and crap, because otherwise I'd go insane. Although, in a completely white house I just might anyways. :/

So OTHER than the whole house fiasco, this friday was my last day of school here. Imagine-no school till NEXT YEAR! How awesome! but it suck to move in the middle of the school year. >:(
Plus I won't ever see my friends again, which is retarded, AND I have to go college hunting to boot, because I already had my heart set on Buff State, but by the time I go to college, we might not even have our house here anymore. D:<

Moving in the middle of winter also SUCKS because it's cold and frigid and snowing and I won't get to see what the new area looks like with plants. Basically my first inpression of my new home is going to be a big, barren icy wasteland. Like Antartica D:

Plus myparents and I have been disagreeing over where to put the furniture and crap, and it's kinda retarded because the house is kind of an open floor plan, so the rooms just sort of meld into one another. So we're to have like a tv and speakers and shit in the middle of our dining room with a random-ass fireplace to boot. GREAT.

I ALSO still owe my client 2 water colors before I leave, which is what I should be doing right now instead of typing this, but I'm too damn lazy and have put it off for like a month :P

We've been too busy to put up christmas decorations or a tree yet, so it doesn't even feel like Christmas time, and that sucks majorly. I was so looking forward to Christmas, a stable, traditional holiday, i the middle of all this confusion and chaos, but now it looks like it's gonna be really crappy. By the time we put up stuff at the new house, it'll be like a week till Christmas, and then we'll have to take it down again so soon! But at least I convinced my parents to get a real tree this year, because we really can't take our crappy fake one with us, and the real tree will smell up the whole house. Yum...evergreen :)

So, that's all for now, and by the time I post a new entry I'll probably be over at the new place. See you guys later!

Update! (Emo rantings and some good advice!)

Right now I'm caught i the middle of two different lives... the old one here, and the new one awaiting me at my new home. It's kinda weird...really surreal, and kind of numb, like you know everything going on around you is pointless now, but you also are trying to savor it because you know it will be gone soon... I'm nervous about it, the move; will I be able to find someone for me there? I' building all these hopes up, that this can be a fresh start, that I can reinvent myself a little and lead a better life, but I'm really scared that when I get there nothing will have changed, and it will all be the same.

I'm so damn lonely, god, it really sucks. I miss having somebody who really loves me, who actually gives a flying shit about what I do and how I think... It's just so dismal without a boyfriend, which maybe some might think is me just afraid to be alone, which it sort of is... the thing is, really, that I have all this love built up inside waiting for somebody to be poured into, but I don't have anybody like that anymore, so the love is just sort of festering inside my soul like old perfume. It hurts to have love for someone who doesn't exist...

I need somebody to pull me up, because I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' hard.

Hope everybody out there has somebody like that. Don't lose them. You don't realize what you had until it's gone, and this is the most important thing in your life. Live without fear, love without regret, embrace like the world is ending.

Hey again.

So yesterday I was having a bit of a mental breakdown about all the crap I'm going through right now, which kinda sucked. I wrote some angsty poetry (lol) and listened to piano music. So I'm just super lonely right now, and I wish I had a freaking boyfriend right now because I need some love D: I feel like everybody I know is just sorta slipping away. I never see my brother, my dad is over in Westpoint working, my mom is always busy pretending do do important things or freaking sleeping all day because she is a lazy bitch with mental problems who thinks it's okay to lie and slack off and generally be a useless money hole. Great female role model, right? lol, it's a good thing I don't really give a shit about her because otherwise her crazyness might have rubbed off on me by now. I pretty much gave up on caring about her when I was ten. I couldn't take her bullshit anymore, and I had poured so much love into this black hole and gotten nothing out. Sometimes I just wish my dad would freaking divorce her already. It's not like they love eachother or anything anyways. And I should know, considering my mom tells me about her sex life all the fucking time (she has none, by the way) because she's a whiny bitch who has no real friends and uses me as a big freaking therapist. Yeah, I TOTALLY need THAT bullshit aside from my OWN fucking problems. *sigh*

So I kind of need some proffesional help right now, which I already have- lol therapy! But what I think I REALLY need is somebody who really really loves me, who will call me every night to see how my day went, who I can look forward to seeing... but sadly, I can't have a boyfriend because I'm moving and would have to leave him anyways. Plus, nobody at my high school gives a shit about me because they're all a bunch of midless selfish dipshits who can't even open their eyes to look around them for once in the miserable lives. God, I just wanna throw rocks at peoples houses! This is so unlike me... God, I'm fucking MENTAL right now! What am I going to do!?!?

The day after Halloween....

Means I have to wait 364 more days till Halloween D:

BOOOOOOOOOO.

Halloween was okay for me... I didn't go trick-or-treating, but I did go to a party. Very few trick or treaters showed up at my house, which sucked because I knew people would love my costume. I was myself, by which I mean I was a witch, and no, not the kind that gets squished under flying houses from kansas. The real kind. Anyways, I looked great, lol. Through unexplicable party mayhem, my witch hat got a couple holes burned in it. Guess I'll have to go to Dollar Tree to get another one...The kind I really want though is those old ones made out of velvet or leather or whatever. THAT would be awesome.

So it looks like I' be moving at the end of November, because the banks suck and my mom has bank-paperwork-avoidance-syndrome. Grr. Oh well.

Oh, the Halloween event on Gaia was fun, although a little...off-topic...? I go to Gaiaonline.com because it's a super chat site. Look me up! My two accounts are Spiritiger and Autumn Gracy.

My parakeets are having a love-hate relationship right now...kinda funny, really. One is a baby and one is 7 yeras old, but they're opposite sexes, so I guess they're having problems gettin on the love. heh...

This past summer...

Ugh! That's all I have to say about it. It's been a terrible, terrible summer in all aspects! Firstly, my school let out way too late, and my summer break only actually really started for me on the first of July. Then, of course the weather's been absolutely horrible! It's been the rainiest summer ever recorded in my area, and the skies were just consistently grey and ugly. Then I went to Young Life camp up in the mountains hoping it would be the vacation I so desperately needed, only to be completely blown off by my friend (the one I refuse to see ever again, for reasons quite related to her behavior this summer). She said some really stupid bullshit that made me want to leave her and my god-forsaken little town for good, which may actually happen (it's about a 70% chance, I'd say) because my dad was laid off half a year ago, and has virtually exhausted the job field in this area.

So I had to deal with the stress of maybe-moving the WHOLE summer and on top of that I kept questioning my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. Then it was my birthday the day I got home from camp, but it took me two weeks to have a party for it because I'd been too busy planning for the camping trip which actually ended up being one of the WORST weeks of my life. The ironic thing is, even though it was a horrible week, I still had to pay my parents half of the camp fee, $250.00 ! So it was like I payed to be miserable somewhere else, when I could have been miserable right here! (lol)

Anyways so my birthday party which I had been looking forward to forever and a half was terrible as well. I'd given my ex-friend one more chance by inviting her to the party, but she was a complete bitch and pretty much sucked every body's attention dry. ( --Does that make sense to anybody else...?)

Yep, she's a fun-sucker.

Anyways, so she gobbled up every body's attention and I was left in the back of the room wondering how I wasn't even part of the conversation, considering it was at my house and I was the host and everything (not to mention it was kind of my birthday, lol). So my ex-friend steals my laptop (without asking, how rude is that...??) and just starts showing all of these random videos to people, and I'm in the corner like, "what just happened...?"

So I left.

Period. I just left the room, went downstairs, and would you know it took those *grits her teeth trying not to call her friends bad names* @$%&*$@# ten whole minutes before they even realised I was gone? Kind of amazing, since I had to practically step on their faces to get to the door and everything.

So yeah, I was really pissed off this summer... plus all the crops we planted in our garden were stunted first by the lousy weather, then the ones that actually did manage to grow were eaten off by lousy raccoons before they even got ripe, and my brother proceeded to trap and kill the raccoons without asking me or anybody else, which really pissed me off because I'm wiccan and the whole "I F-ing love the whole world" thing, so yeah, it was a terrible summer.

Sheesh. And I still am probably going to move, but at this point, hell, I want to get out of this stinking place.